Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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