In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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