like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
