how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
