Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
