Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
