I am spending my child support on dildos
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
