I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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