Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
