so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
