I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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