its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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