ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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