I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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