Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
