my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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