if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
