Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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