I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
