I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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