You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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