haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
