i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
