One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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