You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
