how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
