Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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