dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
