We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
