just come out here and I will go home with you...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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