I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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