I think i peed on brittanys purse
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
