I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
