How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
