i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
