Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
