do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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