remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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