I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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