If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
