I need help removing her.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
