i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
