Me too!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
