Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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