I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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