I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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