Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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