quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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