If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
