please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
