he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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