he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize