Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We are all done wearing pants today
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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