How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
