I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
