who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
