I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
