Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
