Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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