Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
