Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
