I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
