you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
